as I look back on my younger self I see that kid who just took up skateboarding and once with his friends did that bomb drop and didn’t make it, who crashed down at the bottom into the ground/waves. that kid was hurried along through time, his parents splitting up, all the while estranged— a mother too involved and nagging and crazy, and father distant/quiet. these are the traits of sadness. when you develop patterns of sadness, the sadnesses become very hard to break.
pull that kid up through time along the same grooves and you’ve got some bitter lessons learned. someone asks if he’s been eating much, with that concerned look, and always with a look like they think he doesn’t know they’re giving him that look.
as I near my birthday I want to sit here and generate good feelings back into the past, traveling time, meeting with my younger self who recognizes no one in me but a kind and knowledgeable and wise person…
visit as a writer, let him in on the secret—
you are him
he is you
you are here
for a few minutes
to share a few stories
sling a few secrets
and even chide him for the pointless vandalism
you say to him Be more focused
warn him Harder times are surely ahead
ante up—
you tell him about 9/11 well on its way
though no one screaming its prophesy will have
enough horsepower to stop it
and there will
be an African-american taking office,
but this is really just
Business as usual
you shoot the shit
make friends
tell him what good books
are in his future
and maybe what he ought to get
a head start on
because there will also be
wasted time
unless you can really
have a one-on-one…
and let him know…
what will become of
his relationships—
it all starts to hit too close
to home
and you realize you still
don’t have all seeing eye
he tells you
not to worry that
everything will be okay
he’s on the path, he says
and there is a proof-of-god-some… where?
marriage, by nature, is a sacrament
on a greeting card
people are fools
that writing is IT
you do not know exactly what
is to come,
unless you check the patterns
then you see… more… than you would of thought…
it all starts blending together
what I and I know
so I challenge myself
to
a
game
of
pool
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