sitting here very carefully poised in the birth of a new writing session, Kalika then jumps down to look at my arm and sniff my arm—I sneeze—and then wonder if my sneezing at this moment is congruent to immediate triggered allergies, or just a coincidence. sitting here in the sleepy calm quiet of Sunday night and all knowing, and also so well meaning… it is not to say I am not too sensitive but a cure for that is hardly on its way. to know well and mean well are powerfully combined for positive impact on others. today I thought while going through the mall to the apple store, just what were these men doing setting up this display for this suburban vehicle that stood ten feet in the air, equipped with pamphlets, literature, videotapes… are your ready to start with the questions, ‘cuz immediately I feel like such a decision to buy a car as this one would certainly attract all the wrong type of people into my life, and I’ve come too far for that now.
today has been weird. all the days have been weird. strange. there is hardly any time to be bored any more. boredom at its worst is still replaced by depression, one deep enough it’s still cinema. otherwise, big moves are being made. and also big imaginations are rolling, some not always the best, some in realizing horrors and horrific fictional scenarios such as as if say… you were raped… you blacked out, you were raped, left for dead, and you never knew who it was… and you are traumatized… only little bits of memory come back but it’s not enough… time passes and you live with the new scars… you finally get out of the house again and friends invite you to a party… you decide it’s worth it and you owe it to yourself… you’re having a good time… it’s alright… you start talking with someone… soon enough an hour has past and you realize you’re really enjoying the conversation… but there is something… the bits of memory are starting to blip up on the screen of your consciousness… you’re not sure what they are… huh? something… something…. oh…. um…. what? what is this? no, no. no, of course…. ___________________________________dead silence______________________________ is it… is it him? no. no. is it? holy shit… wait wait, no. wait… oh god. oh godd. oh my god-ddddddd. no, noooooo. it is he.
the reader fills in the rest
today is a result of yesterday. that shit was crazy. was so overwhelmed by the times and emotions I’ve felt as if a downed tree, unable to really put down any writing, only this was relieved by the list technique or my ever popular coinage: grocery listing. it is the disjunct and union of shards at odds. I came to important discoveries. the sun is often on my mind, as well as Terra’s water, and the birds freaking out on the line over sunset, sunset. today. today the bananas feel peeled and plundered of their thunder. today is a land of dreams you enter more quickly. fuzzy, fuzzed, fuzzied. imaginations that are kids saying the damnedest things. I leave myself out of the new york notsuoh festivities due to being short funded and therefore needing to spend that time at work. that is, I leave myself behind. I wanted to go and have that fun, but was short and late on a few days rent. the lady is the type to care about that kinda thing. we are playing their games and jumping through hoops.