What you start and end with is consciousness. And you have your decision in front of you. Where should I take consciousness today? You can either go out onto rope bridges and shootouts in the streets, conduct yourself in interviews to discuss ideas or sell your wares, or you can stay out of the rain, stay inside, keep inside your head, tell yourself things true or untrue, turn on more stories on screens, on the page, on the airwaves… But you will end with who you are, changed for better or worse in the ocean of consciousness. Some, in open space, choose to pass the time by chanting hymns and mantras, and I confess it’s probably a better way. Others talk out their problems like a broken record for advice and reassurance. Are they, are these people big enough to tell you the truth you need to hear?
When you are not safe, not well, insecure, afraid… You kick and scream and hurt others around you. Not everyone does this, but most. You see it on and off stage. Some crawl up to the stage even when not asked to come to the stage and make absolute fools of themselves. Is that the kind of attention you want to draw to yourself? Any attention is better than no attention, you may answer. I would rather fall off the map first. I would rather be a cigarette put out in an ashtray before making such an absolute fool of myself like that. This happens locally and it happens at big award shows. Some only serve as signposts. I’m so glad, I’m so glad I’m not… her… I’m so glad I’m not… him…
I think I will always come back to this place. I think I never leave it. Thunder in the heavens confirms it. We are swimming and kicking the waters that laugh and hold us.
Once I was riding the bus home after a day of work. I got off at the stop, this woman was saying to me… I had to take my headphones off… I’m sorry, what was that, ma’am? “You motherfucker! she said. “You motherfucker! I hate you, you motherfucker!” Another lady approached me and said the same thing. Then another and another. The next lady approached and said, “I’ve seen these women on these lines before. Don’t take it personal, they’re insane and don’t know what they’re saying…”