Some of the most horrifying things involve somewhere the killing of a roach in the middle of the night, or a house is flooded, or burned, and there is that smell. I wake up around midnight ’cause I trailed off early and reading is sounding good again. Sadly, I’m reaching its end. If you’re trying to write, a good book is the contagion.
I’ve begun traveling an even narrower path and that is to push the envelope a little further exploring my mind. I’ve fallen into the darker areas where I’ve sometimes thought I was hurdling the edge of sanity. The shadows are without names. All of it has me rather speechless. It has been a flickering thought to attempt writing again. There was one day I fell to the floor and would not get up for what seemed hours. I would not cry or weep or moan. I would only flip around inside the past 33 years. The nightmares I had as a child during bouts with the flu, unexplainable paranormal events that I tried to suppress — it’s been very difficult to turn away from. I think I see now, it will be some more time before I find closure.
feel a
buzzing
in my head
like junk mail
delivered
with a panic
you gather the
eggs for the basket
I clutch
my chest
still, no
I don’t
eat onions
disdain
storm floods
but we
remain dry
enough
remember that?
yeah,
drink water instead
communicate
what ya gonna
relate?
devotion for?
well I’m
back on the
floor again
for the time being
humble again
just a
different being
some of the
Philly kids
still
recognize
can only say to them now
sorry for the
messages and slokas
I screwed you with
hope it didn’t
fuck up too many years
for the record
I was drinking all
that poison with you
we were its victims
they had clawed onto
my enthusiasm
and I learned
to spit fire
but later I could see
they were just like
the rest of
the world and I
became furious again
all over again
think outside
the box!
yeah, jump in
our box!
I’m only mad
for good reason
sometimes
I can see its effects
like late
late at night
or when we fight
how it’s brought
down relationships
and been a
source of
loneliness and
self loathing…
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