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The sky has cleared up, it’s all in a bright blue, clear as it can possibly get, and I’m in pretty good spirits. Much of what goes on at work and life in general, I have to sort and process and make sense of (this is what all people do, I believe, consciously or not). At work, for instance, sometimes I find myself frustrated by having to keep going to others with questions. Someone said I probably wouldn’t be at home there for at least another five months. I evaluate myself and what I need to work on, so by the time they call me in, there’s very little to criticize. I’m a fanatical machine. This can backfire.

On most of the technical stuff I’m solid; it’s packaging that I hate. I hate printing something and when it’s all done, taking it over to the cutter to trim the edges, and somehow it gets scratched or dinged despite my best efforts. My hands feel clumsy. I might as well be folding them into paper airplanes and flying them around the department.

various moods

reading my friend’s site
letters to a friend in India
interesting to me even now

I’ve dropped my faith
in that area

I’m in
favor
of feeling deeply
and spiritually
without
having
allegiance
to an external or imagined influence
that in any way stimulates
guilt, suppression, etc.

it’s kinda like if you put THC in
your system it
stirs things up a bit
but when everything
is said and done
its your own mind and being
that you’re enjoying
(just from a different angle)

my post-theism is like that

I am a busy
man these days
getting little sleep
and working
long hard hours

a few chess games here
and there
few pages of Dostoevsky
everyday
(died a theist in the end)

a man gets back in his car
when I got in here this morning
they were playing the first Danzig album
not even xians protest
which is nice
anyway, the man
he was fired from the coffee shop
up the street and
is hired by the same chain
by accident
down here in my neighborhood
once they realized the mistake
they kept him anyway
and declared an official
“watch” over him

be good!

I hate it when people condescend
you know, and they’re serious
well, mostly they’re joking
but underneath they mean it
like yesterday
I left a swatch poster out on the table
and the assistant mgr. joked
that I should
put my toys away
I was busy
and didn’t appreciate it
even as a joke
ex-Navy…

. . .

ten minutes until time is cut off and the day for me changes drastically and I move from room to room with my mind in a work frame and other thoughts shift as clouds in the background. I become a technician first and a thought thinker second. two hours here go by in a flash.