casey,
to get right to the point, I was just fired today.
I am not joking.
Linda came in and told me she hated to do it, but they’d
have to bring me on as a “consultant”
pretty much just what they did with Carol
I kept my cool and asked them what was up
and by this time Glenn was standing there in the doorway
and telling me he basically has felt like
I’m “no longer happy here” and that I’ve probably “outgrown” the place
they promised up and down they’d have me
on as a consultant and would put in a good word or two for me
if I want to use them as a reference for other interviews
to all of this I say good riddance!
but I’m also panicked
and like I said in my last entry… now in a different
state of shock and awe of the moment
I had very little to collect up before I left.
everything was very cordial
because I’m smart enough not to fuck up this shit
I have, after all, a family to support
and if I can get night and weekend work on occasion
I’m going to take it
it goes without saying I feel
completely fucked over by these capitalist motherfuckers
my emotions are all over the place right now
and they could not have picked a more terrible day
with you now gone and everything
a quick thought jumped into my head that I would
have mario watch the cats and I’d up and fly to see you
and find work there and be with you for four months
but I doubt this will reach fruition
I would love more than anything (even on your first day — not even a whole day yet!) to see you, be with you. I’m sure I will do a good bit of crying later, let things settle, and then move onto thinking about practical matters (new job(s), etc.).
and boy could I practically feel this coming! even today, I approached glenn and was like, guess what the new iMac is out, blah blah, and I could sense that he was basically struggling to respond and be nice to me. even last night when I wrote, I wrote something about being in the gas station at the counter: “This will be the last time you buy orange juice here.”
when I chill out a little bit, mentally, I shall celebrate, mentally. it’s true I was tired of the motherfuckers, and it’s good to be out in many ways. I only worry of course about cash, and if I can find something before they even call, so much the better. everything, by the way, will be under the guise of this “small little print shop was having a hard time staying afloat and couldn’t hold onto me.” I will not go into interviews saying anything like I was fired. nor will they, as far as I can tell, say such a thing in referring me.
I hope you are not too upset or disappointed with me. I won’t deny that I’ve butted heads with these people at times under pressure and stress, but for the most part I’ve felt I’ve handled myself well and have done my best. still, even in my own eyes, I’m not satisfied with “best” and am always trying to improve.
I know I’m rambling on at this point from being emotional, and I know by the time you’re reading this you’ve been through a lot traveling and what not, so I shall bring this entry to an end. I am torn in half with sad and happy, hopeful thoughts. I am hopeful for a new future, glad to be away from those cut throat bastards.
on practical terms, I should add: spend very little! my God, I was just ready to order Ali G. on DVD last night, and something told me to wait! next friday a check shall roll in, and tomorrow I will go apply for unemployment.
Wish my well, Casey! and us! and the cats! I shall clean this apartment from top to bottom and make you proud of me once again. new times are ahead of us. we must be brave and embrace change and all that.
hoping this meets you well,
your loving author
BGKPOETRY.COM 