just awoke from this long, horrible nightmare: we were in DC, at a record store. I went outside for a short pace up and down the sidewalk and suddenly everyone started to become frantic. what the hell is the matter, what the hell is the matter?! someone directs my eyes to a group of missiles in the sky, heading down. this was it. I shot back into the record store to say goodbye to Casey forever from the vantage point of this physical body. the customers and employees were rushed into another room, C. probably with them. everything started to shake; I went back outside and the city was filled with dust.
still there was no major blast and as far as I could tell, no casualties. just panic. I was more in a panic to find her and just be with her in this incredibly strange and frightening time.
later, I was at the house I was staying at, a stranger’s, who was nice enough to put us up for free. C. shows up and says she’s leaving me, at least for some time, appearing angry.
I am talking to my mom on the phone; next minute we are hanging out and all she wants to do is check out this little shopping mall. everything is shut down. still she wants to check it out. does this symbolize skirting the subject, avoidance, as they term it?
in another scene a smoke starts to twirl from a central area and spreads, again filling the city. I hug the Washington Monument for dear life while the city shakes more violently this time. I somehow survive this, along with everyone else. I see a newspaper with a headline so huge it’s covering most of the paper (and still I can’t remember it now!), saying something like “THIS IS THE VERY END.”
again on the phone with my mom, I say, “the dust alone will be enough to kill me.”
we all know this is to be our last day. and I’m alone, walking around. a group of wound up kids, robbing people and screaming with laughter head in my direction. they begin that whole thing of sizing up, name calling, being aggressive – but I crack a joke with them, and they’re cool. they ease up and take off.
I know it is kind of a generalization, but I joke with a man lovingly, the owner of a Chinese restaurant, “this is the day when even Chinese restaurants close and employees get to leave early.” he laughs kind of with a sigh, as if he’ll have to agree to this one, but almost, almost as if he’s searching in his head for a way to keep the place open. I sit on the curb behind the place and people are watching me as I start to emotionally lose it. I begin crying and putting my hands over my face.
. . .
I had intermissions to this dream where I would halfway wake up. I think I have told C. I love her 5 times so far. I’m so glad to be alive this morning. but needless to say, pretty freaked out.