work is sunny on a Thursday

now is a good a time as any to do some more writing. life is going by fast these days. it’s not that I don’t have some active participation in it, because I do, but being on a production line like this one, the month of April, already reaching the middle of it, is pretty intense, and makes me really value my personal time. I can only imagine what having a kid would do to my schedule. which brings me to that. I had a dream last night that I had a three year old son. he was in bed asleep next to me, and he had a sheet pulled over his eyes. his hair was yellow just like mine was at that age. I just gazed at him for a long time. I couldn’t believe that I had a son…

change is always going on. but these are days that I’m recognizing that change more, seeing it in myself, making changes consciously, and observing it in other places. almost constantly on my mind is that idea of the conscious and subconscious mind, how they can work together positively. growing up, I would always hear about the subconscious in a negative light, such as a particle of thought or emotion bypasses the conscious and goes straight to the sub, and there it awaits dormant, waiting to attack on a rain drenched day. submarine enemies! but no, it can work other ways, too. you can hand over tasks to the subconscious mind and it will handle them. such as. . . a computer problem you keep banging your head up against the wall over. you can decide, okay, I’m going to come back to this later, and relax. the subconscious mind takes that que, and as you relax, go out for a walk or whatever, it figures out the problem on its own time and comes to you, to the foreground, the conscious mind. but I’ve written about this here already.

I could add, though, that by applying a little pressure to the subconscious mind, that solution may actually come quicker. otherwise, you might be waiting a few days for it, if not longer. and this leads into the next topic: anticipation. anticipation coupled with the will of constantly improving your methods leads to a greater sense of self mastery or kung fu.

home is where
I hang my hat
work is war
work is a challenge
work is an opportunity
work is school
work is where I can get other work done
alongside of the assignments they give me
work is understanding everyone’s rhythm
work is going through it and complaining a lot and
someone turning around years later telling
me the entire thing was bad only because
of my bad attitude and my blood gets a little
hotter hearing this because I handed over
these anecdotes in the confidence
that they weren’t being met with a sneer
work is sunny on a Thursday
home is the feather pillow
home is a grey cat haven, the little ones
I call my best friends and the gentlest
beings I’ve ever met
(even some Buddhists have military backgrounds)
home is reading comic books in bed
as a reward as a mind expansion
and where
I dream and dream some more
and sometimes write
and think about writing
home is where I clean and the dust
incapacitates me for a good 4-5 hours
and I feel like my lungs
are going to give up
it will be all over
it will be all over
tea, someone, something
come to the rescue
of the precious breath
and breathe life into it

I want words to have my life in them. that is how I put out each word as a magazine or movie script, and each dilemma is not frozen food for the chowder bowls. I know you wanna break out of patterns, so you constantly have to ask yourself, over and over, how can I do it? the success of triumph over bone and flesh is asking the right questions and putting the pressure on them. asking a question as prayer? questions with intensity of prayer.

a choice
a decision a stone a rock a grabbing hand a pocket picked a grenade of the potent mind. a gene splice. a gravy over your mashed potatoes. happy children jumping rope in the courtyard. one falls, his mother screams at him: “Tyler, don’t fall down.” instructions from a well trained nurse. coffee shop banter better than water cooler tailored banter, I suppose. a day with sun and some rain and mountains hold steady hanging out, but move based on faith? writing as prayer. did not realize. yeah, writing, the movements, as prayer. something sublime and unseen in the navy beans.