I am a mess; I am getting home: when I went to B&N today, bought a coffee at the counter, said, “can I buy this book here, too?” of course he said. he rang up my coffee and looked at the book I slid towards him, The Trial by Kafka – “oh shit!” he said. “this book is amazing, you’re going to love this.” I was psyched and told him he should check out Dostoevsky. Notes from Underground is a good place to start, or Crime and Punishment.
I am settling down my mind after a long day. I cannot believe I forgot my mother’s birthday. tomorrow will drive out for a visit.
installed 10.3 at work, a few minor kinks I’m working out. had to reinstall printer drivers, epson scanner driver, wacom tablet driver. suitcase X1 has so many kinks in it, I’ve dragged it out of the dock completely and will see if I can get used to using the built in Font Book instead.
the cats are going insane attacking each other and running all over the house. stomach rumbles. it was a cold night last night. the dinner was closed and we wound up back in the old parking garage. my reading and the overall experience suffered from this.
typing this out on Casey’s new G4 iBook – amazing little machine, nice and fast, 12 inches, small, nice feel to the keyboard. she is off on a trip to Boston, leaving me with it for a week to play with, but it is a little depressing with her gone. I was bit by a depressed tick from an early age, so my blood cells constantly look for a reason to be depressed. earlier I thought about writing as real as possibly possible! I mean, in a most speakable language. but of course I like to mix this up a bit, play on words. I like a mixture of please pass the salt and then deeper language. I accidentally just killed a bug that was on the side of the computer. was just trying to brush him off, but it wound up killing him. stupid me. now someone is dead, just like that. makes me feel like hell. maybe my chest congestion that makes me get up in the middle of the night because I can hardly breathe is meant so that I can lose sleep over all the bugs I’ve killed in this lifetime.
I juggle moods at work. people get pissed off easily there, and it’s a wonder I’ve survived it all so far. I think I’ve really grown and become stronger in certain ways. other parts of me suffer and break down a little because of it. break down to become stronger, like muscles. study one thing, realize how it relates to another.
boss talks about how the world is made up of basically good people and that everything is just getting better and better. what really interested me was what he said about technology increasing to the point where everyone will benefit more and 40 hour work weeks will be reduced to 20, and that the wealth will be shared more. I don’t know where he is getting this stuff from. it is easy to say this kind of stuff when you’re well off and not starving on the street.
excited that the weekend is finally here and I can have a little time to while out by myself, collect my thoughts. so… more later.
BGKPOETRY.COM 