perhaps at a later time
I will sit down here
and write to everyone
what my daily routine is like
if I am moved to
but for now
I will return carrier
and see what happens
it’s the middle of the night
and I have work in the morning
lately I’ve been inspired to
read and write again
which I’m ecstatic about
because it feels like
my better mind
is being returned to me
it is a serious fight to maintain
that drive and passion
when other things have
such an ability
to wear you down
basically you have to
build up a tolerance to it
a thick skin
and move on in your life
becoming more of an old man
day by day, in a good way I think
each birthday has that
sense of shock to it
let’s see, carrier return:
the present moment – classical music playing
they say it helps your intellect to listen to it
for myself it is hard to say
it’s nothing distracting my writing
I can say that much
and it’s nice to listen to
it is easier for me to write
in vertical form for some reason
perhaps because my thoughts
are usually so fragmented/varied
I move on from one thing to the next
and don’t feel ashamed
I’ve noticed that this was
Henry Miller’s style also
I like to free associate
I don’t adhere to writing any sort
of essay or college term paper
even if a gun were held to my head
my pen would be pissed
and wind up writing poetry
and I would die for that
I don’t know how prepared I can be . . .
violin, cello, and the piano
are my favorite combinations
the phone woke me up
and a guy asked me if any
cabs were available
I didn’t know
what the hell he was
talking about
then realized and said
no, I’m sorry
this is a private residence
he apologized and
we both hung up
work is off and on
there are so many things
I love and hate about it
which is a real headfuck
the worst of them all so far
I wish someone would pray
for me
that I reach some kind of
sanity and keep it
that my head is clear
so I can write
and go deeper
the blank page is
such a mosque
I am so
indebted
is that just another
material thing not sanctioned
to pray for
I think tonight’s notes should end here
more later of course
or so the Germans
would have us believe
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