be nice to my notes

“The Zen way of calligraphy is to write in the most straightforward, simple way as if you were a beginner, not trying to make something skillful or beautiful, but simply writing with full attention as if you were discovering what you were writing for the first time; then your full nature will be in your writing. This is the way of practice moment after moment.” -Richard Baker from the Introduction of Shunryu Suzuki’s Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind.

“I’m not here, this isn’t happening.” this is a line from of one of Radiohead’s recent songs. I don’t try to build a review or commentary, I just mention, move on, don’t try to assume any particular role.

I just have to be honest
maybe this means admitting that I can’t
and I should just put myself to bed
in this case push on and admit
I hide and cannot be completely honest

why the hell not?

fear of
discomfort
and so on

getting in a lot of writing with personal Q&A sessions. that can really get the writing flowing.

unlike now.

so the soundtrack is
Cave In, TSOL (from Suburbia), Aphex Twin

overworked is
playing like a broken record
have tomorrow left, Friday, Saturday
the bastards require that
I bust my ass when I go in there
I constantly ask for stuff to do
and write every single thing down
they better appreciate it
of course they won’t
ultimately it’s more for myself
knowing without question
I’ve put everything into it

reading and writing a little
on the train
thinking of my friends
Matthew and Amanda
my pen pals
how I miss them
even though we’ve never
met in person

other friends who are gone
I’m still upset

upset about a lot of things
worried about money
confused about a
spiritual path

trying to be calm, patient
not throw anything around
last time I threw something was two
summer’s ago – a glass from across
the room into the sink
and two unwashed plates
out the back door
grass grew tall over them
and it made me laugh
Casey didn’t

in a good mood right now
lonely but not too bad of a mood

you like Radiohead why?
they sing the saddest, deepest songs
in the galaxy
wait til you hear this Pyramid Song
you’ll be psyched.