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I told you, this will go on for awhile. I’ve got big plans for this next hour. he looked at my journal and asked to read it. I’ve said I’ve got plenty more and they’re all private. I’ll write down a public entry down on this napkin for you, and hope you can forgive me. inside it’s just too disastrous, I cut off heads in those big broad rooms, speak my true mind. once I get to it, it’s the best thing since Christmas. then I go beyond a Christmas and everything that led up to it. when Billie Holiday would come on, for awhile there I would be tricked into thinking it was a time where I would be more at home (anything but here!). not so. I think I’m going to stick out what I’ve been given. let it get worse even. let everything down or empty out or freeze up and I’ll try to spend my last hours huddled up in my coat. the very best could come from me then.