slow breath

zero entries lately. frowned sad face distraught in the family battles. quietly a storm for now. hold your blue breath until you wake up somewhere else. don’t feel like going to work tomorrow, hold it for awhile. see which bed suits you best. I prefer to sleep low to the ground, raised myself that way, once I knew better. in our new apartment, which we’re holding our breath for, we’ll sleep low to the ground there too, with movies at our feet. many topics. I am quiet and unsocial at times, self conscious, later eating Indian food in good spirits and then quite talkative, away from the trashed up new house we’re currently staying in, boxes to the ceiling. good to be out in the summer air at night, walking around with wife, albeit after an argument, after flies tried their best (and did well) to disturb my much needed sleep, beat to a pulp like a man getting backed over by a utility truck. hours slip through the needle’s eye no problem – I’m constantly listening to hip hop and writing, reading my red 18th century Russian novel throughout the week, getting by on a few pages a day. we stand outside, they smoke on the break, I sit in the grass and drink water, the odd man out, proud but quiet, odd and quiet. return back ‘home” like the truck today backed over me 5 times. I sing a song, recite outloud what I force myself to memorize, breathe all different types of air, appreciate each season’s charm, pet the cat, see a child in my cat, see a child in myself as I pet the cat. feel healed. understand political issues clearer, that more things than you’d like to think are political. overhead fan acts like it would like to come loose, drop down, and see what kind of damage it could do to the back of my neck. I stay put. I concentrate on maintaining my D.C. accent, not as an allegiance to D.C., or the memory of it even, but I guess to myself, if that makes any sense. if I could get to a true self, it would be worth loving, worth putting my hand over my heart for. until then, sipping water at 10 and 3 o’clock will have to suffice.