we can decide to put ourselves in prison. by our subconscious actions we can beg for a mercy killing. laugh at me. I can smell the cow dung from the fields. I don’t know where I’ve been. what do you have to say for yourself? I’ve been out getting punched in the eye. once was punched in the ear. the pain killed. tomorrow is Thursday. it is already Thursday. time is merciless. in prison they’ll say, one piece of advice for you: don’t smile. yeah, don’t smile if you’re scared. don’t to make them feel comfortable. if you’re nervous deal with it in your head, complain in your head and don’t spill your guts out all over the place. people are hungry. people are animals. they’re ready to disembowel you as it is. maintain some composure. self confidence.
do you have any free time this week? this place is marked as a restaurant, but you go in and try to order, they just throw knives at you. it’s not all so simple. it’s not as simple as school. it’s not as simple as cracking the books. the storm wants to take your house away from you. the street is marked with lines you can’t stay between. there is plenty of drinking water, but you choose the downward spiral. you make it too late for yourself. I’m sorry for you off and on. if you’re going to kill yourself, why ask my opinion? it’s an insult to my current struggle. it’s not all struggle, just mostly struggle. there are some things that make me smile, when the lights are out, when no one is looking. I hide what I can.
I push that getting by thing. why just get by? keep hearing about that other unused 90% of the brain. I keep pushing that, trying to tap in. read over the lines of text, push my body a little, kill the lethargy, give myself something to do or the idle time will make a meal of me and my qualities. why not be proud of who you are? not in a disgusting way, but be a solid person. I’m sure God wants the best for you. I’m just rattling this off, so forgive me if it’s irritating. I don’t talk to many people these days. it gives me something to do.
tomorrow I’m going to check out a poetry reading in the city. I’m looking forward to it and may start back up on that in the future. it’s as good an outlet as any. maybe even better. I suppose things will start to fall in place. from there I can start thinking about kids, because time is putting its hand on my shoulder. I just need a little more time, that’s all. time, please be kind to me. yes, he says he will, even signs off on it. time will find a loophole.
let’s find that
kid who
punched you
in the eye
it wasn’t
a person
who did this
so just
let it
rest
no, we wanna
know
okay okay
then it was
one of those
guys from
Full House
tell ’em I sent you
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