you and me

I have only myself to blame for feeling stupid. I try to blame you for this, but all you do is expose how dumbed down I’ve become. this makes me more angry at myself. paranoid, self conscious. I hear noises and get my pole for smashing someone’s head to pieces in the dark. high winds. howling. breaking in. temperatures drop. storm to wreck the used car dealership. ads say they’re having the biggest hurricane sale in the last 30 years.

small town anti social young male ticking in his chair. you are the same or have similar qualities which is why I don’t feel below you when I really think hard about it. I don’t pay attention any more to who people say they are. many prominent figures in history don’t even exist to me. they throw men out 10th floor windows. I am meant to know little about it. I am meant to stop stepping lightly. I only check for signs of death, because it keeps clapping down on people. a dream here, the real thing over there. remember the old senior? remember now, he came to you even in a dream alive and well when you were bleeding out of your mouth, that bloody miniature swimming pool cupped in your hands. you had only this to show him, your young teeth falling out. she said to her husband, “I don’t know how young people survive these days, I don’t know how they do it.”