value

it is not a good thing that I forget all the essential stuff about my “friends.” some are gone and I want them back, missing them, all the good things. then when I get them back all of it hits me again. they’ve only changed so much and the main problems are still there.

stuff like this: I’ll call you right back. no damn call in sight. what is up with that? I’ll see you tomorrow night. no sight. I’ll help you out, but I’ll be back in 30 minutes. no sight. I want to get together with you and talk about web design, plus it will just be really good to see you again. I’ve been waiting two years. we should go for a drive sometime. yeah, this friend drives my car with the headlights off down through the woods while I scream my damn head off. he drives through oncoming traffic. later in the year he crashes his car into a telephone pole and my chest hurts from the impact of the seatbelt. we walk the three miles home. I’m a sucker for putting value on this kind of stuff.

friends can be dangerous. there were too many girls I broke my heart on. ones I couldn’t get my courage up to talk to. ones I just became so obsessed with. I was a such a sucker for trying to throw myself into something like that. as a married man now, I’m in this solid state, or what appears to be. it’s something I’ve dreamt about. it’s something off in the distance that seems amazing but is just like a lot of other things when you get there. it’s a mystery to me. a mystery of longevity. I put myself through the changes.