pictures of my bookcase
yes, looking at it
I find it soothing
call me strange
it doesn’t matter
I tell them in
a speech
I was spawned
last year’s Halloween
and no one noticed
you all are here
just for the food anyway
the winds are heavy
I am in
a good mood
for all the things
that are over
this is my drudge report
I admit
I indulge in
just staying at
home and reading
these books
and praying
but it is hard work
sometimes to
concentrate
and sometimes
I get restless
I’m trying these days
not to stray too far from it
when it happens
you can actually fill
life up in this
I mean, wisdom
the wind is outside
making itself sound like the ocean
she brought up to me how great
it would be to go to Mexico or Paris
just anywhere for a vacation that
we could afford
and I thought how
we couldn’t afford any of it
not just for reasons for lack of money
but also that I’m trying
to settle into something new here
with a dedication to God
and I can’t afford
any sudden jolts
and of course the money
is running out
like an hour glass
but my cares are not in it
I have a good faith
a good reason to believe
we’ll get by just fine
if the endeavors
are sincere
in the meeting I introduce myself as . . .
it’s like I’m behind a mask
and my feet are
getting sore as hell
I’ve got chalk dust on my hands
they maybe want to know
what I’m about to say as
the other women talk for a bit
I will break the silence
and validate my presence there
I fine tune the situation in the background
and don’t want the spotlight
because you wouldn’t understand anyway
no happy hours for me either
I don’t dream of it
I guess it bothers me
to be the stranger in the midst of it
the lonliness of it but not alone enough
I don’t want people asking too many
questions about me
because I fear I’ll bore them
with something that is really not
that boring to me
that I’ll offend them with a
staunch attitude
metal trash cans outside rolling around in the ocean. I was awake one night, and for an instant I fell into sleep and the dream state where I was on my back in the ocean. in the middle of the ocean. it scared the hell out of me. kind of the way a satellite picture from outer space of the top of one of our cities like New York. mountains of course are massive and can be scary to me. I imagine how Arjuna looked upon the Universal Form of the Lord when it was revealed to him. It wasn’t a picnic.
the pictures are of buildings of planes of insides the guts of dwellings the minds of students the fears alcohol that ruined them. in the middle of the night he was in bed with his girlfriend asleep after drinking it all, and I don’t know exactly what happened, but what I heard is that he shat in the bed asleep like that and the bastard wasn’t even humiliated. he made her clean it up for him. he told her and she did it. he had the nerve. and she had no self respect. I keep playing that over in my mind, how she just accepted that, and how she continued to be with him.
the other stuff is not so interesting. I am glad for my headphones to drown out the noise. years ago when I didn’t even know any better, I put them on and walked around the block to chant a round. I had a love for both at the same time. it was out of innocence I think. ignorance, too. now I am a grown man and I close the door and sometimes say it out loud, please don’t let me have A.D.D., but let me concentrate on Your name that is holy.
cheers to stuff that ends. the bad stuff. the stuff in the way. let us take pictures in the morning of all the things we like. let us enjoy our friendships, and accrue wisdom of the most high. remove red from the eyes. remove or add blur as needed.
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