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sick to my stomach, for the past four days now on and off. with fever, a headache. I think of causes. I want something to blame. so much anger in me I’m sick in bed with sore neck and shoulders burning up the universe. thinking of Matthew and walking and the Psalms. I go out on my own walks by the houses decorated and return back here. walked two miles to the store in sleet and rain to get something to eat. John and Jesus were born, that’s all I’ve read so far in the book of Luke. an angel came to the shephards who were sleeping in the field to tell them the good news. I thought, no one is coming to me, what sort of consolation do I have? just the wind.

I hate that people have to be such asses, that I have to live my life with them and there’s nothing I can do about it sometimes.

okay,
that is all for now.
chop.