explosions

I was down watching the planes take off over the water. all I could think of was what would happen if one exploded right in mid air like in Final Destination. today I had another dream that the space shuttle exploded and was raining down killing people. dreamt that sleep itself was a conspiracy against me, that someone had tricked me into it when I wasn’t even tired. time wasted. I think I waste time thinking all about this stuff. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.

chanted five rounds and meditated, wrote. had a depressing walk home, thought about how alone and lonely I am, and regretted having been out for so long. it surprised me, that by the end of it, I was on my way home thinking I had a bad time.

empty. no love, no food, no company.
ultimately I don’t think I could handle being alone.
there are things I just won’t write about.
I don’t know if I ever will.

this aging thing can be scary sometimes.
just haven’t had a lot of positive experiences lately.
it’s just a weekend, a small period of time, though.
I’ll be okay.